As this blog has no time lines or general outline of stories I will randomly jump to one I promised a friend I would tell. So, Arghh mateys sit back and listen to the story of Jay and the giant clam.
I had been working with Jay for a year or two up at UConn, where we went to college together. At UConn I helped him with whatever he needed. Being in a wheelchair and having no real control over his arms etc…he needs a lot of the little things. A push to class, someone to take notes, pick up the phone etc…I was particularly talented at holding his beer at Teds or Huskies. I quickly learned that if you were friends with Jay you didn’t act like…oh Jay here you go, do you got it..is that ok…can I get you anything else…It’s more like stick the straw in is face and hope you have time to drink your own before he is done and wants another. So anyway after the semesters were done I ended up working for him at home during the summer. He needed someone to help him, I needed a job, we both wanted to go out, work out and hang at the beach. It was an easy decision.
It was something like the summer of 1995. It was a hot summer day and Jay, myself, his family, their friends, their friends kids, their friends’ friends and maybe their gardner were all on vacation at a beach house in Naragansett Rhode Island. Jay was spending the day working on a big 5lb, maybe more, bucket of muscles that they bought for him at the local docks. Whatever those things were they were like the most seafood you could get for the cheapest price. He ate all afternoon until we were ready to go out for the night
Three or four beers passed the muscles clams, whatever, Jason’s mom realized that I was looking a little tipsy myself. “I know you say thats the same beer you started with but I will drive you guys down to the Coast Guard House and you can call me when you are ready to come home. Of course we didn’t call and at about 2:00 am they found us in the upstairs bar sipping a free drink from the owner or maybe some other nice person who knew Jay from here or there. It was time to go home and to bed.
I was out cold, deep asleep when I heard him yelling. We were sleeping in the living room with big cathedral ceilings and a hallway with doors to all the other bedrooms just above us. “Randy,” he yelled. “I need to get up”. “Yeah okay” I said still sleeping away. “Hey” Jay yelled. “What Jay, What?!!” I cried back. “Shut up!” someone up stairs moaned. Calmy he said,”I’m gonna get sick.” “What, sick! okay, I’m up, I’m up” I said as I jumped off the couch and tripped over his mattress on the floor. “Just get me up” he said.
So I bent down and grabbed him like a wrestler and flung him up ready to sit him quickly into his chair. I didn’t have his arms held and they swing all about wherever they want. Jays arm stretched out and hit the light switch. It wasn’t just one switch it was one of those multi switch panels controlling all the indoor lights, outdoor, fans and who knows what else. “ahhh what the heck,” every one starts yelling “turn the lights off!!!”
I dropped Jay into his wheelchair. Turned off the lights and felt much better. I sighed, noticed my mouth was pretty dry. It felt great to be in the dark again and my eyes relaxed back to their sleepy mode. I figured I’d hit the head so…”Hey!!” Jason yelled at me. “What are you doing?” he said, slumped over in his chair a gurgling volcano of muscles and Natty Ice. “oh yeah” I said, and I felt my way to the kitchen stubbing my toes on furniture and beach toys.
Finally I made it to the cupboard, at least it felt like a cupboard and it was. Opening it let out a crash of dishes put away by careless vacationers more concerned about playing screw your neighbor. I was in too much of a hurry to care about the noise then, as I sensed Jay getting closer and closer to eruption. One pot..too small, the next too big and heavy, that one’s for the lobster tomorrow, plastic? no.., frying pan no , cup (shouldn’t be in here)……YESSS! perfecto, good size, feels pretty old and beat up and not too heavy.
This is where they play Chariots of fire as I run across the room, one arm stretched out with the pot in hand, the other feeling my way. I made it just in time. I was good, I was real good. I’ve never smelled so many nasty pieces and parts in my life. I turned my head and covered my nose with my free arm. Jay yelled to me again, “Hey”. I just ignored him, tucked my head into my shirt like a turtle and pinched my nose “It’s okay Jay”, I muffled out. “HEYehhyyyyy!!!” “Idiot, Idiot he he yelled and kicked me. “What now Jay?, What??” I said.
Jay looked up. “It’s a strainer”.
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